@ctl74: Bless your heart. It wasn't only a cruel thing to say to you on Christmas but it may have also ruined Christmas for your children. No matter how much either of you have contributed to your marriage issues, a decent person would not have chosen Christmas day to deliver a painful and life altering message.
Rise above it and know that you may have an opportunity to become emotionally healthy and stronger without the toxicity of a bad relationship. I pray that one day you are able to look back at his announcement to you as the best gift you ever received.

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@NullAmpersand : Yes and I hope she does not spend one more night in the same house with a man that (for whatever reason) sounds completely emotionally unavailable to her.

@ctl74 : I'm so sorry to hear this. Cruel timing. Praying for you. Praying kids don't know yet. God Bless you and your family

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@Reverb2000 : That's awful!! Poor kids!

@ctl74 : I hate to hear this and that he told you today. What a butt! I pray that you find peace during this time and things work out better for you. Sometimes change is good even though it hurts. Prayers and we're here for you.

@ctl74 : I am sorry it happened to you on Christmas. I had a similar situation many moons ago, in the Spring. Broke my heart and world apart….…..Best fkn gift I ever received! Breathe and most importantly, BE! 🤗❤️👍🏻

Be careful....Two sides to every story and you've only got a "clip" here from one of them.....

@J2911 : How do I do that?

@J2911 : No truer words were ever spoken!!

@ctl74 : I am soooo very sorry.
As far as taking your power back- you stiffen your lip and your spine and shut him out. His words and actions may hurt but you don't show it and you DO NOT engage. Contact a lawyer and first off PROTECT your financial assets!! My DD didn't have children so she blocked him totally. She moved out- they had separate bank accounts but she changed all of her passwords. We blocked him too. She would contact him when he needed to sign papers for divorce- he didn't show up for court- so decree was granted and she did her name change at the same time. Never heard from him ever again-took 3 months but as soon as the divorce was final- GOOD RiddanceI can't remember if you have kids- if you do- you never talk about him- good or bad- and don't show your kids you are hurt. Trust me when I say he will be grilling them for info - BUT you don't do that with your kids. You remain neutral and do not engage.Be the turtle with the hard shell- he will bore of this quickly enough( narcissists MUST have an audience and victims) and move on. You want a clean break and eventually your hard exterior stance will be how you feel on the inside. Practice makes perfect

@Labslady : Good advice here!

@ctl74 : You set boundaries (expectations) as to how you wish to be treated. If the boundaries are breached, there must be consequences. Any legitimate counselor will tell you this is how any successful relationship works. But here's the thing. It's gotta be mutual. If only one person has boundaries, then it can become controlling. An example would be you and your spouse both expect the other to remain faithful in marriage. Should that trust be violated, there will be realistic consequences. It doesn't necessarily mean a divorce, per se. But something will happen if one or both violates that expectation of fidelity. TBH, I knew something was up when you posted about him all of a sudden wanting to change yall's financial structure. That was a red flag for me. Have yall tried counseling? That would be my next suggestion unless he is absolutely against it or you can unequivocally say counseling would not help at this point.

@Labslady : She has kids. Won't be able to block but I understand and agree with you, especially in regards to narcissists (IF he is a narcissist).