Who Are You? And What Have You Done With My Little Girls? - Kingwood

 May is one of my favorite months. It's the month we celebrate Mother's Day! It's also the month my second child--and first daughter, Meghan was born. That was almost 25 years ago, yet I remember the details like it was just yesterday.    

Three years after Meghan was born, I was blessed with a second daughter, Katie, who is now 22.   

First, let me set your mind at ease! If your little angel has turned into a female werewolf, it's probably not your fault. During the teen years, it is common for girls to go through an emotional weaning from their mothers. If you have been close, this is very difficult! I am not saying that you will never be close again, only that your relationship will change. It needs to be nurtured in different ways.  

In order for us to maintain an effective balance and develop a relationship that will grow and last, we must try to understand what our daughters are experiencing. After all, they have spent the first decade of their lives in the bodies of little girls. Now, in what seems to be an overnight transformation, they are women. There are physical signs that are accompanied by an immature emotional state. One minute they are overjoyed because the “hot” guy in English class calls, the next they are devastated because they found a pimple and tomorrow is picture day. The next few years will be spent totally self-absorbed as they try to find their identity and purpose. It’s an emotional roller coaster for all of us, even dad.

The key to success is to manage the changes you and your daughter’s relationship is experiencing in a positive, healthy manner. As they mature into adult women, successful changes should build an even stronger relationship. It’s almost like acting in a play. In the first scene you play the part of the mom, the next, a friend. This is where balance comes in. So, in adolescence, how do we protect our daughters, give them the freedom they need to explore the world, feel like we are still a part of their lives and end up with a healthy relationship? That’s a very tough question!

First, as in any other relationship, the mother and daughter will need to identify each other’s strengths and weaknesses. This exercise will put you on the same level. It should also help your daughter’s emotions mature into those of a young adult. At this point, both mother and daughter need to realize that they are two different people. Each should have the opportunity to state their opinions, and more importantly, each opinion should be respected. After all, we are all entitled to our own opinion.

We have all heard the saying: Do what you say and say what you do. Telling your daughter(s) what you are doing and why you are doing it is a valuable communication tool. It sets clear boundaries about your beliefs. You must take a position on what really matters to you, even though it may be difficult and painful at the time.

On the flip side, negative, unhealthy choices can lead to emotionally dysfunctional relationships. These choices may include acting like a know-it-all, fighting, blaming, and worst of all, withdrawing affection (my mother’s choice in dealing with my adolescence). Always step out of the box, analyze the situation, and then speak. Some words cut like a knife, leaving wounds that will never heal.

I am not a psychologist, just the mother of three wonderful people: two grown daughters and a grown son. I really miss my little girls. The little girls I could dress in ruffles and bows, but in their place are beautiful, independent, successful women with minds of their own, opinions and their own lives. I will continue to nurture them, just in a different way.

In 2009 I was blessed with a beautiful granddaughter, Taylor, who almost 3. We are helping raise Taylor with the same principals. Hopefully, the results will be strong relationships that will make a difference in the Dodd family for generations to come.

Happy Mother’s Day, and Happy Parenting!  

(Debbie Dodd is the Senior Sales & Marketing Director for the Kosmin Media Group. She is also a freelance writer. She is the mother of three, and a grandmother. She resides in Kingwood with her husband, Ronnie. She can be reached at Debbie@kingwood.com.)